Thank you, Doogie, that's excellent... or, bathing is over-rated, anyway...

So, ah, today I popped along to XY Orthopaedics to be measured for my new 'bendy' (ie hinged) brace, which I assumed meant 'excellent, not so heavy/bulky, ease of movement, etc', and dare I hope, comfort...

Here's how it went...

After a good hour and half or so to get ready (without bothering to do hair or make-up; I'm talking 'bare essentials' here!), given I actually had a shower today, which involved the husband saying, 'I'm going to wrap you up like a chicken', then gladwrapping my leg, spraying me with the shower nozzle (not unlike he does when washing the dogs!), while I soaped myself and washed my hair, he then laughed at me when I got my undies stuck around the dodgy leg, finally pulled them up, only to give myself a wedgie :D Yep! An excellent start I'm sure you'll agree... It was my first shower since the nurse set me up for one in the hospital on Saturday and I only took one cos I was going out in public, but I'm sure my hygiene routine will improve...

So, after the leg-throbbing waddle to the car and 'the arse reverse' (a new, but handy, skill I've acquired) into the backseat and 'gliding' (I use that term loosely, and largely, inaccurately!) along, we get going, me hanging on for dear life over any tiny bump, let alone, sudden braking... Don't worry, I have my seatbelt on... well, passing my neck to my knee, without actually strapping anything in; it's more to appease the cops, than provide safety, really...

Paul missed the turn-off to the hospital, so we turn around, go to the car park of the new hospital, hoping it'll link up with the old hosptial. It doesn't. We come straight back out, ask for directions (fortunately there just happened to be a man standing near the boom gate, even though it was automated?), back to where we started, take the right ramp, but still no sign of XY Orthopaedics.

A woman comes out of the building, so Paul asks where to park/drop me off for XY Orthopaedics and she says to reverse a bit and go in from there...

We do. Paul lets me out while he goes to find a proper park, and I am of course greeted by STAIRS - ooh, my favourite, I say, rubbing my hands with glee! And promptly falling over. I find the lift to level 1, HOBBLE some more, bypass reception/bothering to check in and find the nearest couch to collapse on...

Paul soon finds me and says, 'ah, I found a ramp to parking on THIS level so we didn't need to do the stairs'... Ahem... Excellent.

I get Paul to register my arrival, as I am not moving until told otherwise...

Soon after, a physio no older than, well, Doogie Howser, introduces himself and invites me into his office... He is very nice and says, 'um, I'll let you sit on the chair for now, but I will get you on to the bed in a minute, as I can see you're still in considerable pain'...

I deduce that his observation skills can only be described as EXCELLENT...

We talk braces and life post-op thus far, and he says, 'You'll probably find this 30-degree one' (the current maximum I have to bend my knee, and trust me, it is the max I want to bend my knee!) a little more uncomfortable than the other one..."

THUD... goes the sound of my hopeful expectations plummeting southwards... Oh...

He gets the little steps out and I make my way up onto the bed - like a freaking champion!

He measures the brace against my leg and decides it's too long - cuts some bits off, marks up four points on my leg, fits the padding, then the straps and squishes the knee-support bits in as far as possible, saying, 'you'll find it won't provide as much support as the other one, so just be careful'...

Bleeding marvellous... Then again, I was hardly going to tapdance out of there, just because I could move my knee 30 degrees!

Other than the bendability, it's essentially the same as the other. I have to leave it on pretty much permanently, 'walk' in it, sleep in it, and of course, when the urge becomes me, tapdance in it...

Given its greater doing-up and undoing complexities, I can see it making me even less inclined to bathe... hmmm...

Oh, and bless Doogie's heart, I must've flashed him a million times when fitting it (dresses are, and will remain to be, the easiest thing to wear for some time!) and he maintained his professionalism and didn't bat an eyelid! Sorry, Doogie...

As I hobbled off, I thanked Doogie profusely, because he really was lovely and I didn't want him to think I was hobbling off without thanking him, but I just wanted to, you know, get a head start... These things take time and may as well be tackled as soon as possible.

So, as I made my way to the car, while Paul fixed the bill - yes, $255 for the involuntary upgrade - but we get to 'keep' the last one (hooray - I'll hang onto that for when I do my left knee!), Doogie says to Paul, 'Do you want to double-check where the car is, so she doesn't walk all that way for nothing?' (Oh I like you, Doogie!), so Paul goes ahead, gives me the nod, says, 'keep coming and turn left'...

I take my sweet time in doing so, tempted to take several overnight stopovers en route... eventually arriving at destination Honda Jazz, having said, '*#(*#&*#9!' more times than I thought I would, and find the doors locked... Oh thank you, husband...

I lean on the car, alter my position a few times, lean my head on my crutches and try to put my left foot under my right ankle to provide some kind of anti-blood-rushing-down-my-$(%*()$)-leg support, as the physio showed me - a neat trick to get the leg up to/down from the bed too!

Minutes, hours?, (felt like) DAYS later, Paul comes running, 'click click', 'oh, sorry, I forgot'.

Home now. Quite exhausted... too scared to walk on it, let alone bend it, so let's see how Mr Bendy-boot goes...

D Day, or rather Knee Day, has arrived...

I am currently savouring the freedom of unassisted mobility... pain-free movement, pain-free, well, everything! Admiring my scar-free, unsliced knee and hammy, that as of tomorrow, will be no longer...

Semi-nervous, but kinda not... Not so nervous about the procedure itself as I am the aftermath, the initial discomfort, the months of physio ahead and the immense frustration of not being able to do things I would 'automatically' do... Patience is not my forte... :) A patient patient? even less so :D

I had the conversations with the hospital today, so am going through my checklist (xrays, MRIs, consent form, health insurance, yadda yadda) and contemplating what 'garment' to take that will fit over my bandage and brace... Hmmm... I'm thinking this:

See you on the other side...

Let me rephrase that...

My surgery date has been changed (again) - this time for the better... back to the original date... and on a Friday...

Or should that be 'knee knee knooray?'

Current mood: 9 working days 'til Borneo (excited); a welcome distraction... 'for now'...

Birthday celebrations reclaimed :)

Having had a big sooky la la here - about my surgery being moved to my husband's birthday (and having already changed birthday plans to accommodate the original surgery date)... I have since learned that, while the 'day' is not negotiable, the 'date' is... so I moved it! It still has to be mid-week (boo!), but is now the week after Paul's birthday (yay!)

An easier ACL decision

In Googling 'no ACL' to see people's perceptions of life without an ACL, I was highly amused by this headline that popped up...

Happy non-Birthday Pauly...

...so a missed call/voicemail on my mobile whilst on a plane to Sydney last week informed me that my surgery date had been changed to Wednesday 4 May... No consultation; just that it had been changed...

This is annoying for a couple of reasons:

1. The lack of consultation

2. That it's now mid-week, which means more days off work, rather than the original Friday, which would have at least given me Sat/Sun to get over the initial pain/recovery...

3. It's my husband's birthday... and, I'd already changed our plans (from the weekend/progressive dinner and overnight stay) due the original surgery date and moved it to his actual birthday. His birthday plans have now been cancelled.

Not the end of the world, I know, but at tad inconvenient...

Though having been reading up on post-ACL recovery, I'm beginning to think "inconvenient" will be "the norm" for a while...

Current mood: "Getting nervous"...

Surgery booked...

After much umming and aahing, consulting with those who've had the surgery - or similar -

with largely positive responses, and "Googling my health" a tad... and with the husband and others basically saying, 'well, you really have to do it' (if nothing else but to prevent further damage/faster deterioration) down the track, I have sort of, well, I have, decided to do the ACL reconstruction...

It still feels a little rushed at the moment... maybe that's not a good thing... but I just feel like it's 'inevitable' and I probably should've done it some time ago...

Having said all that, the mere thought of it is now terrifying the crap out of me...

The thought of it/the surgery itself 'yesterday' was fine and I was/am more concerned about the rehab...

Today - I am terrified...

There was this one time that I dislocated my knee in Dublin...

And, I'd actually already written about it, so here 'tis again:

Part One

Part Two

Involuntary defence mechanism

Today, while Dr Knee was 'manipulating' my leg to do what I think is the Lachman Test, which usually makes me either a) flinch/squirm from the tickling or b) flinch/squirm from the discomfort, he said to Paul, 'did you see that?'

Paul looks on as his wife is lying on 'the couch' getting her legs thrown in the air by another man, and says, 'er...' before Dr Knee excitedly continues, 'classic response, classic positive result to my test. She's tensing her hamstring to keep the kneecap in. That is a classic positive response. It's involuntary, but it's her body's way of knowing what's about to happen and trying to stop it.'

Then Dr Knee would do it again, while Paul's face kinda contorts in concern as he hears me go, 'eeeeergh', while Dr Knee says, 'sorry, sorry, I won't "rough you up" any more', but you get the picture...

Yes, indeed, got it the first time!

I did find that quite interesting, though... My hamstring knows when my knee is going to be naughty! Good hamstring!

I've lost my ACL and I don't know where it went?

Today seems like a good day to start this (yet another!) blog, as I've just returned from "Dr Knee", who informed me that, amongst other things:

I don't have an ACL in my right knee, and it has been gone for some time?!

To say I was a little surprised is an understatement...

Don't get me wrong, I am well aware of my dodgy knee; I just didn't realise how dodgy it had got...

To rewind a bit, and give a little history of "the dodgy Bergman knee", and indeed, reason for the blog's name... My dad (Harold Bergman) had dodgy knees (played a lot of sport - tennis, hockey, rugby, cricket, and ultimately, the old-man sport, golf!, so it could've been from any of them), both my brothers have "the dodgy Bergman knee", again from various sporting incidents, my sis dislocated hers whilst ten-pin bowling - yes, ten-pin bowling - popped right out and stayed there with her leg sticking out at a right-angle (I vividly remember her being carried into hospital, bouncing on this big fat man's belly), so she ended up being the first of the Bergmans to undergo knee surgery... My niece, who is very much a 'mini me' (poor thing!), has "the dodgy Bergman knee" and has popped hers playing basketball, etc...

Enter the youngest (nee - no pun intended!) Bergman - yours truly...

I first popped my knee (but it came back into the socket, tearing my MCL along the way and leg back in its rightful place!) when I was playing high school softball, ca 1989... I'd hit the ball, run to first base, en route feeling a 'pop' mid-air, landed, slid into first base (declared "safe" by the ump - thank you very much!), the pitcher was getting ready to pitch again, and I was getting ready to stand up again, when I realised I couldn't actually do that...

Harumph... 10 minutes later, I was carried by two boys up to the office, who, being boys, weren't concerned about the fact that I was wearing a short skirt, and well, had my 'legs akimbo' to the world... I remember telling them to close my legs without out ripping my knee... it was problematic to be ladylike and pain-free at the same time...

So, a rapidly swelling knee, doctor's appointment, xrays and analysis later, I encountered my first MCL and ACL problem...

I have since dislocated the same knee - playing tennis (reaching for a volley - yes, I still remember it!), then hockey (running on an uneven surface), "walking down the stairs" in Dublin, a 'friendly' game of volleyball and/or near-misses (where I can feel it about to pop out, and it pops quickly back in)... Suffice to say, it is pretty fragile/'loose' and I am very tentative with it...

Fastforward to 2009 when I was finally able to fulfill my life-long dream of doing the Inca Trail, I was doing a bit of extra cardio stuff to increase my fitness... I was doing kickboxing, mainly for cardio/upper body strength and therefore not going too hard on the 'kick' part... All was going well until the instructor decided to 'shake up the class a bit' - for variety I suspect... and he had us doing 'warm-up' runs...

Firstly (and evidently), I am not a runner! Secondly, it was on CONCRETE...

Within two weeks, my 'good knee' - Mr Left - was clicking, locking when I walked, not happy... I tend to favour my left (due to Mr Right's history), so I suspect I was pounding the pavement harder on that side... Who knows...

With the trip a month away, I went to my gp for a quick check on how I might go doing the climb and/or which drugs I might need...

I was referred to the guru of all knee gurus - more on him later - who, after "a short history of the Bergman knee" and some MRIs on my left knee only, informed me that I had:

"chondromalacia patellae with linear full thickness chondral fissuring overlying the mid apex of patella with underlying T2 hypertense marrow edema..."

Which sounds exotic, but is basically, irritated cartilage/some loose 'flaps', some fissures and swelling in the bone... hooray! It was described on my medical certificate as 'moderate severe' - ?!

He suggested a 'cartilage transplant and/ or biopsy, where they take a bit of your cartilage, grow it in a petri dish for six months and pop it back in - just like that! It's more of a preventative thing, to save a full reconstruction/further damage down the track...

So, I did the trip okay - yay! - with lots of painkillers (some were actually 'too' hard core for my stomach!) and the usual swelling knees I get whenever I do any exercise - other than yoga... Thank buddha for yoga...

Sadly, I put down the tennis racquet, and in fact, any 'fun', multi-lateral exercise... for 18 months...

So, onto 2011...

We decided 'this was the year' for knee surgery 'if need be', as we've got a pretty quiet year ahead - for our standards, anyway...

So a few weeks ago we re-visited "Dr Knee" to see if I could a) play tennis again, b) attend a yoga retreat in a couple of weeks, c) go skiing in August and d) just for general interest of 'where my knees are at'...

After a physical examination (telling me I had 'squinting patellae' - ie like squinting eyes, they sit slightly inwards, so have a natural tendency to pop out because of the 'vector force'!) and general chat/18 months catch-up, he said, "it all looks pretty good, I wouldn't suggest surgery... but let's get some MRIs to be sure, and some normal xrays."

I said, "would I be able to get my right knee done, just to see where it's at, seeing as it's my 'historically bad' knee?"

He agreed.

With this good news in mind, I decided I would be able to play tennis again (MRI results pending) and phoned the Queensland Tennis Centre to register for fixtures grading...

I got my racquet re-strung, attended the grading session - with both knees heavily strapped! - and despite not having hit a ball for 18 months, I didn't do too badly... I felt some ligament twinges on my left side, was a little 'tight' from not having played at all and my shots weren't 'the best' (though I have to mention that I did actually ace a GUY!), but overall, not too bad... all things considered...

But being realistic, and knowing how I used to play and how I wanted to play, I came home, looked at my husband and said, "hmmm, I don't know if I'll be able to do this."

But I slept on it... and the thought of 'not playing' or having to play 'with those terrible social ladies types' (sorry to any mid-week tennis ladies, but I just prefer the competitive/aggressive style!) made me decide to play and I had to confirm by midday.

I rang Dr Knee to get his approval...

In the meantime, I emailed the centre and said, "Yes, I will play, but let me just get confirmation from my doctor before I pay up."

A few minutes later, the doctor's receptionist returned my call with his response - which was read out from the notes on the post-it note pictured...

:(

Suffice to say, having had my hopes up, I was GUTTED...

24 hours later, with the shock over, I decided, 'that's okay, that's what I thought he would've said the first time, let's just see what he says at the official follow-up appointment...'

Which brings me, FINALLY - sorry! - to TODAY...

As I said in the beginning of this post, Dr Knee just told me that, yes, as expected, the MRIs showed that my left knee has chrondomalacia patella... and some flaps (loose bits of cartilage) and an ulcer... and a cartilage biopsy is recommended 'when I'm ready'...

More pressing, however, is that my right knee does not, and indeed, has not for some time, got an ACL! It's goneski! I just have a 'nubbin'... isn't that like a third boob, er, nipple?

I can't believe I don't have an ACL and didn't know! I've travelled lots, climbed mountains, done lotsa 'stuff' and I never bloody knew... I wonder how long ago it 'went', how I did it, where I did it, and when it absorbed back into my knee guff... I'm very curious about this missing ACL...

It's very common I know, but it's just a bit of surprise!

And an ACL reconstruction (using my hamstring) is recommended... as soon as 'I' think necessary and/or it fits in with our life...

So that's where we're at...

More about Dr Knee himself (cos he really is worth a post on its own!) soon...

And more about 'the journey ahead', if indeed, we do go down this lovely road...